Where does the mother’s guilt come from? Why do we let Mom guilt plant seeds in our minds? How can we address this issue in a social media environment that consistently highlights our “PICTURE PERFECT” side?
Do you find that you are comparing yourself to other moms?
As women, we almost can’t help it from creeping into our minds. Social media is one of the biggest places to feed the comparison frenzy! Look at Molly and her adorable kids baking together! “Sarah” is always sharing pictures of their amazing family vacations! Hannah makes the best-looking meals for her family! With the comparison frenzy, Mom guilt begins to set in.
Yesterday while I was pondering this post, my kids seemed to be challenging me more than usual. The little girls were full of emotions and wouldn’t be consoled or rationalized with. My to do list was much longer than what I was actually able to accomplish. In those moments I truly felt like a failure. Failing at laundry. Failing at remembering to put away food. Failing at resolving those BIG emotions that my girls didnt know how to handle. Finally I gave up and sat down and read books to my kids. There is something about reading books to your kids that is so relaxing and calming.
I discovered that what actually eliminated my mom guilt was letting go of my to do list, choosing to let my mind rest and give myself over to what the moment needed. In the moment, my kids needed me to just sit and read with them.
I was talking with a dear mom friend recently and something she shared really stuck with me. She brought up Mary the mother of Jesus and how Mary said “yes”. She opened her heart to what sounded like the most absurd thing she had ever heard. Even through thinking out all the possibilities of what might happen. Even through the ridicule of everyone around her and even the judgement of her betrothed, she said “YES”. Mary experienced mom guilt even before her baby was born. The mom guilt wasnt even legit because there was a much bigger picture that only she and God could see. The mom guilt came from other people. GOD DOES NOT ORDAIN THE MOM GUILT! There is a difference between mom guilt and conviction. This post is referring to the mom guilt.
While I am not the solver of the mom guilt, I know SOMEONE who is. While I dont have all the answers I have learned some things that help.
- Saying “YES” to whatever God is asking you to do for the day. Whether its letting go of your to do list and reading or watching a show with your kids. It may be turning off your phone or staying off social media for the day.
- Keep an open heart. Open your heart to your kids and be vulnerable to them. They arent looking for a perfect mommy, they just want to know you love them and want to spend time with them.
- Take each moment one at a time.
- Dont compare yourself to anyone else. Your kiddos dont want someone elses mom. They want you.
- If you are stressed, try some of these tips to help with relieving it. THIS POST
I feel like another part of eliminating mom guilt in the mom world is choosing not to mom shame. If I dont want people to cause mom guilt by mom shaming me, I better not be mom shaming other moms either.
Lets stop comparing. Lets agree to disagree. You are never going to agree with everything I do and vice versa. We were never meant to!
I was chatting with my sister about this the other day. My sister and I have very different lives. She has 2 kiddos, I have 5. She is a working mom, I stay at home. Her kiddos go to school, mine are home schooled.
Here are some things that we have in common.
- We are both moms that love our kids and want the very best for them.
- She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her.
- There is no judgement or negativity between us.
I want to be this way with every mom I encounter. I dont see a mom that hasnt lost her postpartum weight. I dont see a mom who hasnt had time to shower. I dont see a mom that cant seem to get her kids to behave. I see a beautiful woman who just needs a kind smile and maybe even a hug.
Do you have mom guilt? Are you willing to let it go? Are you a mom shamer? Lets be honest….We have all had that moment when our kid was crying at Walmart because we wouldnt let them buy the toy. No mom is perfect. Thankfully it is through our imperfection that Gods strength comes through when we say “YES” to him.
